I have distant memories of Daniel-san, the first Karate Kid from way back in the day. And while I’m pretty sure Jayden Smith (his modern-day counter part Xiao Dre which means “little Dre”) could beat him up, I think Daniel was the superior martial artist. Something about Smith’s portrayal lacked the sincerity and poise of the original Karate Kid. I blame modernization. I mean, nobody compares modern abstract art to Monet, right?

Maybe I’m not remembering this right, but I think the original Karate Kid learned a little something along the way. I also seem to recall actually liking him. Let’s not get carried away, Dre is relatively likable; he’s a pretty charismatic kid with a smart mouth and a (sometimes) tender heart. My main knock against him is that he kind of deserves most of what he gets. It seems like every time he gets into a fight, there are at least a few chances for him to simply walk away. Instead, his cocky attitude and arrogant boasting, coupled with an intense temper, lead him into violent conflict. In fact, the series of events leading up to him discovering his teacher begins with what I consider an act of bullying on his part. That said, the writing/casting crew did their best to make class bully Cheng (Zhenwei Wang) as evil as possible. They had that poor child making a face that suggested he had a lemon Warhead jammed under his tongue for most of the film. And let’s be honest, the kid was straight up malicious.

Cheng looks for reasons to confront Dre, many of which revolve around Mei Ying, a girl at the school Dre attends once he and his mother are settled in China—a process taking about ten minutes and introducing one of Dre’s neighbors, a boy named Harry, who attempts to help Dre adjust for about five more minutes and then promptly disappears from the film until the final scene. Now that I’ve had my rant about disappearing characters, let me point out my main concern with this scenario, and indeed the movie as a whole: the kid is TWELVE! Something about twelve-year-old boys beating the crud out of each other, kissing girls they met last week, and performing intense free-running maneuvers (because everyone knows that Parkour and Kung Fu are distant cousins, right?) strikes me as frightening. Daniel was much older than Dre and therefore his series of trials made sense. Christopher Murphey’s adaption of Robert Kamen’s story seems merely to haphazardly adjust Daniel’s troubles to fit a much younger boy in a totally different situation. Smith does his best to rescue the part, and occasionally succeeds, but overall it’s just too much of a stretch for me. I loved him in The Pursuit of Happyness because the role fit him. He was the right age to play a character who acted the right age. In this film, Smith is almost the right age to play a child who is exactly the wrong age for the story.

There was a lot of potential here, don’t get me wrong. The idea of a twelve-year-old kid from Detroit trying to adjust to life in a foreign nation alone makes for quite an interesting plot point. If ever there was a world alien to an American youth, it would be China. Let me say this now: Beijing is not an accurate portrayal of China. In fact the only city worse would’ve been Shanghai, where everyone pretty much speaks English as well as Chinese. But I will say that the sections involving Chinese language and culture were far from disappointing. As a first-year Mandarin student, I found myself appropriately in awe of the fluency of the Chinese citizens and horrified by the pronunciation of their American counterparts. Harry, the phantom neighbor, did speak relatively well for a young foreigner, and even told Dre to learn Chinese, but that just adds to my fury that his character was written off as useless. All of this is mere minutia, however.

There’s an elephant in this review. His name is Jackie Chan, and he’s pretty much the Brad Pitt of China. That metaphor doesn’t even do him justice. Jackie Chan is a Chinese national hero and is involved in pretty much everything they want outsiders to appreciate. I think it’s safe to say that we see China as he told the writers to make us see China. But his role here is far beyond being a cultural link. He is magnificent as Mr. Han, the new Miyagi. No one will ever replace Pat Morita’s Miyagi, by Chan comes darn close. His silly mannerisms and fascinating views constantly astound, and I find that most of the quotes worth spouting come directly from his mouth. Any scene involving Mr. Han is a treasure, and I often found myself merely passing time between his appearances. The worst thing an audience can be during a movie is aware of time, and I find that this movie feels long in scenes not involving Han and perfect during his appearances. Some of the most beautiful sequences involve no dialogue at all. Then Smith’s semi-whiny attitude problems remind me of just how long I’ve been in the theater. My one objection to Mr. Han’s character is the random back story he’s given about two thirds of the way into the film. One of the coolest things about the teachers in The Karate Kid films was that they truly were enigmas: we knew little about them and had no choice but to be in awe of their serene outlook on life and unconventional wisdom. Mr. Han becomes almost too human as we delve into his dark past. It’s not a mortal wound on the film, but it is quite a big bruise.

I’ll admit that this review has been relatively negative. I tend to fixate on the flaws of a film rather than its strengths, and I assure you that this one is worth seeing at least once if you have the tolerance to watch twelve-year-old boys and girls beat each other to a pulp. But while I’m complaining let me say this: there is a difference between Karate and Kung Fu. You can’t really call it The Karate Kid if he doesn’t do any Karate, now can you? That said, Xiao Dre pulls some moves that Daniel never would have attempted in a safety harness and it makes for quite a spectacle. But that all feeds into my greatest critique of the movie: it’s a modernization of a movie that didn’t need to be modernized. Our hero is younger, the action is faster, the culture is global, the characters are deeper, and none of it is really necessary. All of these traits could be good, but they mostly serve to get in the way. That point of the original Karate Kid was to encourage confidence and proper use of self-defense. This film holds those virtues up as a cheap Halloween mask to disguise the glorification of violence and packaging of kid-friendly characters that overall just encourage little kids to fight. My sister and I even left the theater discussing how cool it would be to learn Kung Fu and we’re legal adults.

My final verdict is this: I legitimately enjoyed at least eighty percent of this film, sometimes with a twinge of guilt. The characters didn’t sell themselves as well as they could have and the script often went for spectacle rather than depth; art rather than matter. None of it was crippling and some of it was actually impressive, but I can’t say I’d care to see it again, as it was basically a moderately effective retelling of a great story.

I give The Karate Kid a 7 out of 10

Related posts:

1. Steven’s View: Kick-Ass Review
2. Steven’s View: The Crazies Review
3. Steven’s View: Prince of Persia Review
4. Steven’s View: Repo Men Review
5. Steven’s View: Iron Man 2 Review