So my wife and have one of those “get-movies-in-the-mail-and-return-them-to-the-store-and-get-more-movies-thing”. Meaning we watch a lot of movies, meaning we don’t have much discretion in what we watch.

"I could watch The Goods…"

"Sounds good"

It also means that while we are wandering the aisles of the video store we are subjected to the video store’s suggestions of what we should watch. They know we have watched everything we want to see, but still have movies come in the mail all the time and just want to get something so the next movie comes and really will put anything in our DVD player. They feel our pain, cause they created it.

Anyway, the store had a "Our Picks of 2009" display. #1 The Hurt Locker. I’d seen the preview and wrote it off as another Iraq movie. Recently I’ve heard a few better things about it, so I got it. #2 Moon. YES. This is a movie that came and went in the local indie theater. And it’s got a cover that is as cool as all get out and in our house, cool covers get rented.

I had MLK day off and the next day (Texas Confederates’ Day… really? The day after MLK day?) so I decided to get both movies.

(Seriously, this back story is getting boring)

To the point. Hurt Locker sucked, Moon ruled.

How come?

I’ll tell you. Hurt Locker first. One, the name blows. It sounds like it should be attached to some lame sports movie. "Don’t judge a book by it’s cover". Well, don’t give your Iraq war movie a stupid name. I know it means something about something but I’m still so annoyed by that dumb name I don’t even want to look it up.

Two, I guess Mel Gibson and Bruce Willis were both booked, because they wove this antagonist’s story from the same tired and trite cloth.

In that preview guy’s voice: "He’s a bomb specialist that plays by his own rules while breaking all the rules."

Seriously, if that character existed in real life he wouldn’t. He’d be dead. A long time ago. Good riddance. The film introduces him in this stereotypical scene of him coming on the scene of him breaking all the rules. I hate it so much I don’t even want to describe it.

Three. Oh, and our hero, he’s white and guess what? HE HAS A BLACK PARTNER THAT HE CONSISTENTLY PISSES OFF! How brilliant! And the black partner follows all the rules.

Again in that preview guy’s voice: "He’s the black partner that’s already angry, cause he’s black, and he does play by all the rules and doesn’t ever make up his own rules, he just follows the rules."

I hate this movie. Of course these guys fight and hate each other but then in a tense battle sequence they work together and learn to like each other. I’m not going to tell you how this movie ends, not because I don’t want to ruin it for you, but because it is just so stupid. Hurt Locker, go home.

And the worst part, everyone is praising it because it’s supposed to be this great independent movie that is giving the REAL movies a run for its money. When I think of independent movies, obviously they are low(er) budget, because they are stories that are edgier, or smarter, or more dynamic, etc., that won’t appeal to a ton of people, AKA not make that much money. But for the most part, in my opinion, that means they may be better than say, Armageddon.

Not in this case. Hurt Locker is independent/low budget in the way that it’s a tired story and no studios thought anyone wanted to see another Iraq/Lethal Weapon/Die Hard type movie. Lame.

Gah, this is getting long. I’ll finish up with Part Two, talking about Moon, later.

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